If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
