before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drake has all the answers
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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