I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
