I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
