Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
