SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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