the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
