I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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