Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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