i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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