Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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