Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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