How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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