I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She bit a glass in half.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
