yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
