My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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