so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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