My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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