let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
