every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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