Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
