So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
