The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
