i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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