I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
