I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
