i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
