i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
