You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
