Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
