I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
