There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its liver damage thursday
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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