He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
