he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
