in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
