My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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