There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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