Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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