idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
