I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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