i jhust puked up my retainher.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
