I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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