So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
