I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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