I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
