they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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