i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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