he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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