I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
