how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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